What sick creatures we are, feeding off eachothers pain and fucking in the filth and decay we have created.
I need proof that we're not all shit.
I just want nothing to do with it, it sickens me but whats worse is I'm exactly the same, no different from anyone else just another puppet. Teenage angst runs so strong through my veins mixed with misanthrope and pain, my pain stems from the fact I care too much, for all people for how they hurt for how they aren't happy. Theres too much pain at the moment.
I think I need to sort out my life.But how?
How does one sort out there life when they loathe too much about life well no humanity?

I'm sorry I may delete everything and start again.disappear.
but I'm never any good at that. I hate leaving people behind.
And there we have it, the glimer of hope, 'I hate leaving people behind' ... why? because they're nice, they're good and they do care they give me a little bit of hope. So yes maybe I do have hope.

Gah I'm just having a rough week tbh.
And I'll never be allowed what I want.never.cause life wouldn't do me such favours.
I hate how as I write this I'm psychoanalysing myself and just being angry at myself for feeling like that and saying this. Its pointless. But at least writing it out is making my mind straighten out a little more, detangle the hate and erase it slowly or at least push it to the back of my mind to rear its ugly head again later.

A bottle of whiskey would obviously solve all these problems LOL. Thank lord I don't drink.

Yes I decided to create a new account.
but this account shall stay running, the new accounts for my actual work, projects etc. where as this account holds my old work and random bits of work I create here and there, mostly being photography work.I guess I'm trying to limit myself from just loading up all the crap I normally upload hmm.
Anyway, go have a look.
It'll include my some of my work from my foundation and things as soon as I have photos etc. so yes







heh heh heh

the niceness actually makes me worry and feel a little uncomfatable







I'm getting quite a bit of inspiration at the moment
and my anger and angst supposedly creates wonderful pieces of works so the tutors at college say. In a strange way they're encouraging me to be angsty and angry oh dear. It is true though, I show everything through my art, hence why before I found it very hard to let people see it. Things these days have changed a lot I want you to see inside my mind, I want to be able to show you things that occur inside my head on a daily basis, I want you to see my emotions and see how I am. I want to welcome you to my mind, in a old tailored suit, top hat and a skeletons smile painted upon my face with the slight glimmer of pleasure inside my eyes as you realise this isn't what you would ever have imagined...

better now
Had a good long chat about everything and I feel so much better
Also had a brilliant day today doing some land art heh heh.
I'm actually enjoying doing this self portrait modual and I normally hate doing self portraiture. Even been doing some nude self portraits, haha my friends think I'm both crazy and very brave. Yer its hard but not that bad tbh, its an experience.


*sings and dances* Don't.Don't you want me. heh heh hehhh.

very.
I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside by nothingness, by the emptiness which once was filled with love. I'm trapped in a room inside my head where all that remains is images of times passed and memories repeating over and over again like a film projecting against the cold hard walls. trapped. I can scream all I want no one will ever hear me in here...
To say no one understands would be naive, but it feels that way. I feel so alone.
I'm tormented by my mind and frequently find myself wanting to take it out and place it in the naughty corner and yell at it for a good five minutes. Why does it torment me oh?
How many times can you quote The Tempest's Caliban in your life? haha many I fear...many.

It's funny how I post this here, its probuably cause I know its the least likely place for anyone to read it for a while anyway. I'll get over this again, it'll just bubble up again a few months down the line more than likely though. hmmm time for seminar practise...